Belladonna’s Adventures

Introducing – Belladonna

After finishing my Skyrim playthrough with the lovely and psychotic Amalthea, I took a break from Tamriel for a bit. I played some Fallout 4 and enjoyed it, but I got annoyed about something and quit and haven’t opened it since because I know I’ll have no fucking clue what I was doing after this long. One day I’ll try again.

But until then, I decided to open up Skyrim again and create a new badass chick.

Meet Belladonna. She’s an Imperial who really has no purpose in the world, except to wander about and occasionally complete a side quest. So…this should be exciting, right?

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At least she’s pretty!

Mean girls and catfights

I shouldn’t have implied that Belladonna does nothing, because she actually does a shitload of stuff. It’s just not, you know, Dragonborn stuff or Civil War stuff. She has absolutely no direction in her life. At level 18, she has yet to meet the Greybeards, and despite being an Imperial, she has literally no interest in the war. (She is, however, a level 60 blacksmith. Priorities, yo.)

I like to imagine her as the adventuresome daughter of a wealthy cheesemaker in Skingrad, who bade farewell to the easy life of a sheltered socialite and went searching for excitement in Skyrim. She doesn’t really understand the strange Old Kingdom, or the idea of a province fighting within itself, and she’s overwhelmed by everyone’s insistence that she’s part dragon. At the same time, she’s delighted by the opportunity to explore and meet people and make her own living and, also, kill things.

Sometimes, in her quest for new friends, Belladonna runs into some real bastards and bitches. At the Bannered Mare in Whiterun, she made the acquaintance of a Nord broad named Uthgerd the Unbroken, who immediately challenged her to a fistfight.

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Belladonna may be a cheesemaker’s daughter, but she knows how to throw a punch. After all, you can’t be a hot young socialite in Cyrodil without learning how to defend yourself against amorous Imperial soldiers.

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Apparently Uthgerd is a good sport about losing (or maybe she just likes getting beaten up), because she quickly tried to become besties with Bella. What can you say? Bitches be crazy.

Before Bella could shake off the mean-girl Nord, Uthgerd the Formerly-Unbroken imparted a little wisdom.

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Words to live by.

How to dispatch a dragon sexily

Have you ever had someone take pictures of you doing something…

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…and you think you look super-hot and super-competent…

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…and then later you look at the pictures and you’re just like, Goddammit.

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